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DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS
In addition to depth, you can also vary the direction in which you thrust. According to Chinese medicine, the parts of the vagina, like the parts of the penis, correspond to the organs and glands of the body (see figure 22). To truly satisfy and energize your partner, you will need to stimulate her entire vagina during lovemaking. This may seem like a lot of work, and you will not be able to do it every time you make love, but the more of her vagina you can massage with your penis, the better. Check out here how to pleasure a woman!
Begin by thrusting shallow – left and right, top and bottom. Then thrust deep and, while staying deep, use the base of your shaft to rub up and down against your partner’s clitoris and the head of your penis to rub gently against her cervix. Now pull back at an angle, which stimulates the walls of her vagina. (Once you have learned to differentiate between shallow and deep, you can also explore the middle depth.) Remember, women have different spots of greatest sensitivity, so thrusting in different directions has the greatest chance of satisfying your partner.
In addition to depth and direction, you can also vary the speed at which you thrust. The seventh-century physician Li Tung-hsüan Tzu waxed poetic about nine different kinds of thrusts that offer your partner a range of depths, directions, and speeds:
1. Strike left and right as a brave general breaking through the enemy’s ranks. [The battle-of-the-sexes imagery was not completely absent from Taoist sexuality.]
2. Rise and suddenly plunge like a wild horse bucking through a mountain stream.
3. Push in and pull out like a flock of seagulls playing on the waves.
4. Use deep thrusts and shallow teasing strokes, like a sparrow plucking pieces of rice.
5. Make shallow and then deeper thrusts in steady succession [to the left and right], like a large stone sinking into the sea.
6. Push in slowly as a snake entering its hole.
7. Charge quickly like a frightened mouse running into its hole.
8. Hover and then strike like an eagle catching an elusive hare.
9. Rise up and then plunge down low like a great sailboat in a wild wind.
In the end you will put the various thrusts you have learned together in your own special pelvic rhythm depending on the time and place – and the pleasure desired. Check out here how to pleasure a woman!
The Advanced Art of Screwing
When most men thrust, they stimulate only a small part of their partner's entire vagina. This is why advanced Sexual Kung Fu involves “screwing” rather than “thrusting.” Although the word screw has come to have vulgar connotations in our culture, it is actually quite accurate to describe the spiraling action the Tao suggests for truly pleasuring your partner (and yourself). Instead of thrusting forward and pulling back, you should “screw” your hips or ideally your sacrum in half circles, first on one side and then the other. One multi-orgasmic man explained his technique: “I will go in circling and come out circling. Play with one side and then play with the other side. I go shallow and then I go deeper, playing with one side and then the other. And then I do a lot more circles. And I’ve found that a lot of women really love this, especially when having their later orgasms."
More experienced lovers the world over have discovered the effectiveness of moving their hips during lovemaking, and many men find that rocking their shoulders initially helps them to rotate their sacrum or their hips. Your hips, however, are not nearly as subtle and effective as your sacrum, which sits at the center of the pelvis (see figure 23), According to the Tao, it is the sacrum that controls the penis. Check out here how to pleasure a woman!
Rotating Your Sacrum
At first your rotations will probably come from your hips or pelvis, since, unless you do a lot of Latin or African dance, you are probably not used to rotating your sacrum. Give it time, hut eventually you will be able to spiral, to “screw,” with subtle movements of your sacrum. To isolate your sacrum, put one hand on your pubis and one hand on your sacrum and try to spiral left and then right. Next, try tilting your penis up as you push your tailbone (the base of your sacrum) forward (curving your back out slightly), and then try tilting your penis down as you push your tailbone back (arching your spine slightly). Once you have isolated your sacrum, you can really screw.
According to the Tao, a nail (thrusting straight in) comes out easily, but a screw (circling) stays in a long time. Elvis Presley used these pelvic (actually, sacral) gyrations onstage to great effect and great popularity, and you will find that you are met with similar applause in the headroom once you master this technique. Check out here how to pleasure a woman!
There is even a time and a place for the old bedspring-squeaking hard thrusting, especially if' your partner likes very deep penetration and you have a lot at' control. One multi-orgasmic man explained: “Women usually like the hard thrusting later on after they are relaxed. If it's too soon, it can be a bit painful. So as the night goes on I find myself thrusting harder because their passion is ready for it. If it gets to be too much for me, I really need to breathe and if absolutely necessary sometimes to pull out and use my tongue and fingers.” One of the benefits of using a condom – one that we discuss in the section called "When to Start: A Few Words About Safer Sex” later in this chapter – is that by desensitizing your penis you can make your lovemaking last longer, especially if your partner wants you to thrust hard and deep. But you need to make sure you stay connected to your groin and monitor your rising arousal rate.
The more you practice, the more control you will develop and the less you will need to pull out. One multi-orgasmic man explained what he does when he approaches the point of no return: “When I am making love and start feeling like I am going to come, I really try to listen to my body, and share with my partner where I am and how close I am getting. And if I get real close, I’ll stop and do the deep breathing, which will get my body to relax.”
You are almost always better off starting with slow thrusts or spirals. (The Taoist practice is the opposite of the hurried, short, and selfish sentiment expressed in the popular description of male sexuality "Wham, barn, thank you, "ma’am.”) Like all physical and spiritual practices, lovemaking requires both discipline and innovation. You are interested in both: a general pattern of pleasurable thrusting/screwing and a variety of spontaneous changes in depth, speed, and direction. Check out here how to pleasure a woman!
The Big Draw for Two
We introduced the Big Draw technique before but will discuss it here for you to practice with your partner. In the Big Draw during lovemaking, you will both be trying to multiply and expand your orgasms within yourselves. In the Soul- Mating exercise described later in this chapter, you will also learn to exchange sexual energy with your partner, but for now simply learn to circulate your sexual energy within your own body.
We have divided this practice into its sequential stages so that you can learn it more easily, but when you use it with your partner, it should blend together into a fluid and graceful experience.
It may seem difficult at first to stop yourself from ejaculating given all the pleasurable sensations and expansive desire you feel with your partner. You should keep in mind that you are training your body in this practice and that each time you succeed it becomes easier the next time. Check out here how to pleasure a woman!
The time between when you start to experience arousal and when an orgasm is imminent is the time you should draw the energy up. If you wait too long, you may not be able to stop it from pouring out. As you become able to separate orgasm from ejaculation, you can draw the energy up as you are experiencing the contractile-phase genital contractions, expanding the orgasm throughout your body.
If you have trouble drawing the energy up to your head, first draw it up to your tailbone and feel it entering your sacrum and the point on your spine opposite your navel from where you can pour the energy into the navel. Once it has pooled there, try to draw it the rest of the way to your head.
TALKING WITH YOUR PARTNER
At first the Sexual Kung Fu practice may seem a little awkward and an interruption in your lovemaking, but it will quickly become increasingly natural and part of a less frenetic, but much more meaningful and pleasurable, style of lovemaking. However, in the meantime it will require support and patience from your partner, which is why it is important to explain to your partner what you are doing. One multi-orgasmic man remembered: “My girlfriend responded in a very open and positive way. Her reaction was certainly influenced by the fact that our sex quickly became more beautiful. It was also quite important that I practiced often by myself so I rarely had to interrupt our lovemaking to control ejaculation. Of course, it was certainly necessary to explain to my partner what I was doing so she could understand the process.” Check out here how to pleasure a woman!
You can encourage your partner to read, but if timing and passion do not afford you this opportunity, you will want to tell her in a few breathless words what you are doing. One multi-orgasmic man described how he explains his practice: “I tell the woman I am with that my sexual philosophy now is this Taoist philosophy. And I ask her for help. Usually I wait until after we’ve been in bed for a while, and I’ll say, ‘There’s going to come a time where I may need you to help me to stop. You know, I might need to withdraw, I might need to have a little bit of slowing down.’ So I let them know why I might want to do that, and what my thinking is. I find that women really respect it and they love hearing about it and it is exciting to them.”
EXERCISE 12
THE BIG DRAW DURING LOVEMAKING
EMBRACE
When you are both highly aroused, stop and hold each other. Look deeply into each other's eyes. Truly see your partner's inner goodness, and express the depth of your love for her with your eyes. Keeping your eyes open also helps bring the energy up. Send each other energy through your gaze, your lips, the palms of your hands, and the surface of your skin. Check out here how to pleasure a woman!
THRUST/SCREW
When your partner is highly aroused, use the head of your penis to rub her inner vaginal lips and especially her clitoris. When she is ready, you will be able to tell by her swollen lips and clitoris and the abundance of her vaginal juices. Enter your partner slowly. You may want to start with a pattern of nine shallow thrusts and one deep thrust. (Remember, these are general guidelines, not rules.)
CONTRACT
While still inside your partner, lightly contract the head and base of your penis and your PC muscle. You will be using your mind as well as your pelvic muscles to squeeze these "round" muscles. If necessary, use your fingers to squeeze the base of your penis.
PAUSE
When you feel you are near orgasm, pull back so that only about an inch or two of your penis (the head, mostly) is inside your partner's vagina. Make sure you communicate to your partner that you are close to the edge and that she needs to avoid pushing you over the edge. (Pull out all the way only if absolutely necessary.)
DRAW
Squeeze your anus and use your mind to draw the energy up from the tip of your penis, through your perineum and tailbone, and up your spine to your head (see the Cool Draw and the Big Draw). This will help spread the orgasmic energy from your genitals, decreasing the urge to ejaculate while expanding your orgasm from a genital orgasm to a whole-body orgasm. Check out here how to pleasure a woman!
RELAX
Relaxing allows the blood vessels in your penis to dilate and allows you to exchange more of your sexual energy with your partner. Your erection may decrease somewhat, which will let the hormone-filled blood return to fortify the rest of your body and allow new blood to flow into your penis when you get hard again. Continue holding each other, kissing, and circulating energy. When ready, you can continue thrusting/screwing and repeat the Big Draw until both of you are completely satisfied.
It is essential that you tell your partner enough so that she can support your practice. As one multi-orgasmic man explained, “When I am really starting to feel my pumpers wanting to start to pump, I have to slow down more often and sort of just breathe and do the practice. And that’s when I start explaining to them what I am doing and why I am doing it, why it is important to me and I think it is important to both of us. Before I explain what I am doing, a lot of women, when I say I am about to come, will say, ‘Well, come, come. I like it when you come.’ That’s when I say, ‘I really appreciate that you want to do that for me, but I don’t want to come because I don’t want to fall asleep right away. I want to have fun. I want to keep my energy up.’ And they just understand why, every once in a while, I will need to pull back and take some deep breaths.”
Positions for Pleasure and Health
The Taoists were highly inventive in coming up with new and interesting sexual positions, However, for the Taoists these positions were not just for variety; each had a different energetic and healing function. They believed that love expressed through sexuality was the most potent medicine, and a Taoist physician might prescribe several weeks of dedicated lovemaking in a specific position for a particular ailment. If you want to explore these various positions with your partner and use them for self-healing, they are described in Healing Lowe Through the Tao Cultiva ing Female Sexual Energy (see appendix). Here we will give the basic and most important positions;, as well as some general advice for whatever position you choose. These positions can help enormously in accommodating different body sizes and genital sizes, as well as stimulating different sexual sensitivities. As you and your partner refine your understanding of your sexual pleasures, you will be able to select positions that match these preferences. :
FINDING THE WAY
Basic Guidelines
Before we discuss specific positions, there are two basic guidelines that will help you select the correct position for the mood and moment.
1. For relaxing and harmonizing with your partner, place similar body parts together: lips to lips, hands to hands, genitals to genitals. For stimulating and exciting one another, place dissimilar body parts together: lips to ear, mouth to genitals, genitals to anus.
2. The person who moves (generally the person on top) gives the most energy to the other partner. The person underneath can move as well to complement the movement of the person on top. This will help expand, circulate, and exchange the chi more quickly. In the West we assume that the person on top is dominant. How different is the Taoist understanding that the person on top is actually serving the other by sending the most healing energy to him or her. Passion and health, not power, are the main concerns of the skilled Taoist. Your lovemaking should observe these guidelines so that you and your partner both harmonize and excite, heal and are healed. Check out here how to pleasure a woman!
MAN ON TOP
Even before missionaries made their way to China, the Taoists were well acquainted with the position in which the man lies on top of the woman, usually supporting himself on his hands or elbows. One of the primary benefits of this position is that you and your partner can gaze into each other’s eyes and kiss passionately. The face-to-face position is deeply satisfying to your emotions and sense organs, all five of which (eyes, tongue, ear, nose, and skin) come into direct contact. These organs, especially your tongue and eyes, are major carriers of life-force energy (see “Sexing the Spirit” later in this chapter). Check out here how to pleasure a woman!
In this position your partner can run her hand along your spine to help you draw your energy up to your head. Also in this position many parts of your body – legs, belly, chest, and so on – are in contact with hers, and your weight on your partner’s pubic bone and breasts can help her become aroused quickly. This position also allows you to use your thrusting and screwing techniques, both to satisfy your partner and to maintain control of your arousal.
The main drawbacks of the position are that your hands are usually involved in holding yourself up and that your partner’s G spot is bypassed almost entirely unless you tilt your sacrum and angle your penis up. You can address this problem by having your partner place a pillow under her buttocks so that her pelvis is tilted back. She can also drape her legs over your arms or shoulders, which has the same effect as the pillow and also allows you to penetrate more deeply. The higher her legs, the deeper the penetration. This is especially helpful if your partner has a relatively large vagina and you have a relatively small penis.
Remember that according to Taoism, man is like fire and woman is like water. Since women take longer to boil, it is often good for the man to begin on top. When the woman’s desire is boiling and risks quenching the man’s fire (causing him to ejaculate), you may wish to switch to the woman-on-top position, which allows the man to concentrate more easily. In this position, however, the woman must be willing to stop as the man draws close to the point of no return. Check out here how to pleasure a woman!
WOMAN ON TOP
In this position, the man lies on his back and the woman straddles him. Most men find that this is the easiest position in which to learn to control their ejaculations and to become multi-orgasmic. The reason for this is that you can relax your pelvic muscles in this position and pay close attention to your arousal rate. Gravity also assists in ejaculatory control, and the man can focus on directing the energy up his spine.
Your partner, in this position, can also direct your penis to the most sensitive places in her vagina, including her G spot, which is one reason that for many women this is the easiest position in which to be (multi-)orgasmic. Your partner can also keep the head of your penis in the most sensitive outer two inches of her vagina. It is difficult for a man to remain in only the first two inches when he is on top, since he tends to want to plunge deeper into the tighter area – which, of course, also finishes him off faster. In this position your partner can spiral her sacrum so that your penis rubs against the walls of her vagina at any depth and in any direction. Check out here how to pleasure a woman!
In this position, you can also use your fingers to stimulate her clitoris and help her to climax. Another benefit of this position is that you can suck or fondle your partner’s breasts while making love. According to the ancient Taoists, you can drink in your partner’s sexual energy from her lips, her vagina, and her breasts.
This position is also especially good when the man is significantly larger than the woman or tends to ejaculate quickly, or when the woman is in the later months of pregnancy (her growing belly does not get squeezed). Older men and men with heart problems also find this position of great value, since they are not required to exert a lot of energy.
SIDE BY SIDE
This position requires relatively little exertion from either partner and is therefore good for later stages of lovemaking. It does require some skill to achieve and some coordination to maintain, so it is best for lovers who know each other well. It may be easiest to begin with you on top and for you to roll to the right or left into the side-by-side position. In addition to not requiring a great deal of strenuous effort, the position has the benefit of face-to-face and Whole-body contact, both of which allow for greater exchange of energy. However, it can be uncomfortable or awkward unless your partner’s body movements and your own are well synchronized. And in this position the penetration of the penis is also quite shallow. Check out here how to pleasure a woman!
MAN FROM BEHIND
This is the way animals, whose main motivation is impregnation, do it, and with good reason. In this position, as you may have noticed, your partner's vagina feels especially tight, which makes ejaculatory control more difficult. This position is therefore best when you are feeling less aroused or have developed your skill at ejaculatory control. The reason your partner feels especially tight is that in this position you enter her deeply, which is the reason women who like especially deep penetration tend to favor this position. The depth can be controlled by your partner’s angle: the more forward she bends, the deeper the penetration. This position is especially good for men with smaller penises or women with larger vaginas. This position also allows direct stimulation of your partner’s G spot, although her clitoris receives relatively indirect stimulation – a situation you can remedy with your fingers. Check out here how to pleasure a woman!
EXERCISE 13
SOUL-MATING (Exchanging Sexual Energy)
EXPANDING
The pleasuring and thrusting and screwing techniques described earlier in this chapter will expand your and your partner's sexual energy to a point where it is ready to circulate. The more lubricated a woman is, the more yin energy she has. As we alluded to before, you can even drink her yin directly through oral sex or from the nipples of her breasts. It will help if you (and, ideally, your partner) have drawn the energy up and are circulating it through your own bodies (that is, through your Microcosmic Orbits).
EMBRACING
Embrace your partner in a face-to-face position with most of your bodies in contact. If the woman is significantly lighter or weaker, she should be on top. Otherwise, it doesn't matter which person is on top. Remember to look deeply into each other's eyes: eye contact, as mentioned above, is extremely important. Send each other love and energy through your gaze.
BREATHING
Coordinating your breathing is essential for exchanging chi. Now that you have stopped thrusting or screwing and are holding your partner close, place your nose next to your partner's ear and your ear next to your partner's nose. This will help you hear one another's breathing. Then synchronize your breathing: you can both inhale and exhale simultaneously, or one of you can inhale while the other exhales. Keep your thoughts focused on one another and be conscious of your chests rising and falling in rhythm with one another.
CIRCULATING
To harmonize, both you and your partner must be able to circulate energy through your own Microcosmic Orbit as the first step toward balancing the Back Channel, which runs up your spine and is more yang, and the Front Channel, which runs down the front midline of your body and is more yin. Remember to draw energy up by contracting your anus and/or using your mind, and then to guide energy down the front of your body through your tongue.
EXCHANGING
1. After you have been breathing with one another for a while, you should each draw your energy from your genitals up to the crown of your head.
2. Then, while you are both inhaling, you should envision drawing her cool yin energy in from her vagina to your penis. (She should envision drawing your hot yang energy from your penis into her vagina.)
3. You should both continue drawing this energy back to your perineum and then up to your tailbone and finally up your spine to the crown of your head.
4. Then exhale and let the energy descend from the crown of your head through the midline between your eyebrows down your face and through your tongue – which, if your tongue is touching your partner's, will allow you to exchange energy through your mouths. From your tongue, the energy should be brought down the rest of your Front Channel to your navel. (You can also exchange energy from your heart through your chest to her breasts and from there down her Front Channel. She can do the same for you.)
5. Continue breathing and exchanging energy nine to eighteen times, or as long as you like.
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